I've noted two parenting obsessions for our times: sleep and "solids." I don't know why we have to refer to baby's first non-milk meal as "solids" but alas, we do. I also don't know what previous generations obsessed about; my parents weren't helpful, as they basically just did whatever felt right (damn hippies).
Sleep: Why are we obsessed with sleep? Because Americans are working more hours, and women are being forced by economic circumstance (and to some extent personal desire) to work outside the home. So babies' sleep patterns wreck havoc on adults' well being.
But babies sleep how they sleep.
So read Weissbluth and Pantless or whoever. Take the ideas that they likely got from your granny--that you should pay attention to your child's need to sleep, watch for his/her patterns, and that sleep begets sleep. Then take their solutions with as large a grain of salt applies. And do what you have to to survive.
Have you ever met someone who couldn't fall asleep on their own? Who took their mom to college so that they could go to sleep? Your kid will eventually figure out the falling and staying asleep all night deal. They will. It's about neurology, not culture. People in countries that have never heard of sleep training sleep just as well as Americans.
Never, ever take advice from someone proposing to have the all-knowing (or biblical) answer to "infant management." They are insane.
Okay, "solids." Again, what's the obsession? Yes, some children do have allergies, and if you have allergies, your kids might. So be careful.
For those of us without a history of allergies, why in the world would I feed my child something I would only eat if starving? As in that rice cereal they could repackage as wallpaper paste? Why would I limit their experience of food and the world's food culture?
I say--and there's research to back me up--give them what you eat (except honey and habaneros and sushi, perhaps). Flavorful? Sure! Vegetably? Excellent! Sweet? Hells yeah (just try formula or breastmilk). Apparently, the more flavors you offer, the better the future relationship to food and eating.
Anyhoo, I think as an IF mom, I tend to get my panties in a bunch about "experts" and "advice." Just like when I was in treatment, I'm looking for THE formula, the right answer. But there's so much hogwash out there. Though my instincts were often off on my IF journey, they seem to have kicked in again.
So trust yourself.
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7 comments:
Actually I have to disagree -- I've met lots of people who couldn't fall asleep on their own, or who only fell asleep with a lot of trouble, or who had to use something like alcohol or tranquilizers to get to sleep.
There are also many more people who fall asleep fine as adults but had many years of difficulty as kids.
I am a stickler about their sleep less for myself and more for the babies' current and future well-being.
I think that's why I often get so defensive about my possible future choices as it comes to baby stuff (birthing, feeding, clothing, etc.). There's all this stuff you're supposed to do and if you step a toe out of line with whatever the latest "program" is, you are KILLING YOUR BABY!!!
And that's what it seems to boil down to-- are you one of those unenlightened baby-killers, or are you going to follow x-y-z pattern (with x-y-z pattern being whatever may have worked for the advice-giver)? If you're a Ferberizer, you've just admitted that you want to kill your baby (with neglect, natch). If you're an attachment parent, you've just admitted you want to kill your baby (with smothering, natch). If breastfeeding doesn't work out for you, you're killing your baby (formula is poison, after all). If you start your baby on oatmeal too early, you're killing them (because The Book says 6 months and baby is only 5.5 months...).
Feh. It's all just so frustrating. I have instincts now about how I would like to raise my children, but until they're here and I'm actually in the throes of it, I'm not going to dedicate myself to one path over the other (I may even *gasp* decide that, damn the Death Star, a vaginal birth is what I want to try...). I just refuse to be hard and fast with any particular method or theme or gesture-- what will work, will work. And we'll know very quickly if it doesn't. I mean, some things take time to adjust to, but you know right away when something doesn't feel right to you. (And in my case, with twins, *survival* is the name of the game for the first year or so anyhow. Consistency with some arbitrary plan is so secondary...)
Brava! Your instincts are so powerful and right on with YOUR baby. Only YOU know that mysterious being. And if you don't understand him right now, you will with some keen scientific observation and more gut listening.
Do you read Desmond Morris? If you do you know the origins of "French kissing."
Basically babies did eat whatever their parent ate. There weren't processed barf foods back then (if you think the rice cereal is bad, ugh! do NOT buy baby food!)
So when they were no longer happy gnawing on a mango slice and were ready to eat larger quantities, the mom would chew a mouthful of whatever and pass it into her child's mouth with her tongue. Like birds.
That's why Frenching is awesome because (Morris reckons) it recalls this primal pleasure of being held and nourished by the person who loved you best of all.
You are right!
Point well taken BSIBS. It would be really interesting to see some research exploring the connection between infant sleep and adult sleep. Anybody heard of any studies?
I've found the best way to learn is to ask everyone, and figure out your own middle ground.
And yes, seriously, "they" are right with 'sleep begets sleep'. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it's true. if my daughter gets a terrible nap (say only 1 hr instead of 2 or 2 1/2), she will have a hard time going to bed & will wake up earlier in the morning. If she naps for 2 or 2 1/2 hours, she will go to bed earlier and sleep longer. I have no idea why, but it works.
of course at 21 months she is STILL waking up in the middle of the night....but that's another issue...! Good luck!
(skipping over from "when you gotta glow"'s blog.)
Wanted to send an e-mail instead of leave a comment, but couldn't find an e-mail address. But no, your commend didn't offend or upset me at all! I love everybody's point of view - I just always feel the need to make myself completely understood (it's as annoying to me as it is to others, if not more, I'm sure), and so put it in that post, since I had a bunch of other stuff to clarify from comments, too. :)
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