And on the "small" front...

I can't tell you how many people have told me they weighed only 3 lbs or 4 lbs at birth.

And none of them are hobbits.

Bruiser has also caused several older men to talk to my man about their struggles with infertility.

I'm eager for the day when that pain and loss can be spoken of more openly.

Sometimes I have no idea

Where I've gone. The me who used to do all sorts of stuff? Gone. The new me spends the day strategizing how to poop with a restless baby who refuses to be put down for more than 10 minutes.

Sigh.

The requisite 6 week post

Midwife: So, what are you planning for birth control?

Me: [face begins to contort into predictable reaction]

Midwife: No laughing!

Shame and Itty Bitty Baby Etiquette

Lots of people comment on Bruiser's petit size--though he's grown from 5 lbs to 8 in a month. And it makes me and my husband furious. Small is equated with defective or sickly in American baby culture--though B is neither.

But his size has been a source of secret shame for us both. So much so that in a fit of anger my guy suggested keeping him safe at home until he catches up with his bulkier peers.

Of course we take him everywhere safe--no hospitals or mine shafts, natch--but the feeling of wanting the world to understand that your child isn't some weak little pipsqueak persists. He's a fighter who is beating the odds. Worse still is the crushing shame of being ashamed of the person you love so deeply.

Moral: if you want to marvel at someone's preemie, praise their perfection or charm, not their itty bitty-ness. Just like the "Do you have kids?" question, harmless comments hurt.

Why IF will make you a better parent

Why? Well, here's a short list...

1. You already know what it's like to breakdown at 3 AM when all the world's asleep. Hell, you're used to missing sleep due to anxiety, sorrow, despair. And you know how to get past it.

2. All the hormones postpartum? They rock compared to Lupron, Follistim, etc etc. Oxytocin is a hell of a drug.

3. You're used to being an outlier, and having to do hard shit to accomplish your goals.

4. You're used to having little to no control over things. That helps when your baby is going bonkers for no particular reason.

5. You're a warrior and tough as nails. Even if you don't feel that way.

6. You are totally, totally ready for this. You've thought way more about what you want and need than most whoops parents.

7. Finally, while having a baby does not solve all your problems or guarantee your happiness, it certainly solves the problem that's been oppressing you for years/months/eons. Which makes all the challenges very easy to bear.