An RE Anticlimax

...of sorts. The local RE, who's got some pretty fine CDC-reported results btw, was a jolly fellow. I can say with pride that I have baffled yet another doctor! Yippee! Okay, what do I win?

I win a script for Cl0mid! Watch me go hormonally insane!

Ahem, back to the story. So, I tell him my sordid tale and he's basically like, "You ovulate, your progesterone is great, your guy is producing excellent seed, your tubes are open... And you can't get pregnant? Come on!" That's a frustrated/baffled "come on." He thought the spotting and the thyroid issues weren't all that relevant, as the treatment would be the same, anyway. Basically what I was expecting.

The plan was also quite predictable: three cycles of Clomid, the first one with sex, and the next two with IUI. He's also going to do a SIS (saline infusion sonogram) to check for polyps or other uterine bizarreness not detected by the HSG. And thus we left with a plan and an RX for the evil C plus an HCG shot I get to stick in my ass myself! Yes, gals, I'm joining the thrilling world of IM injections! I'm not too worried about it: I'm not particularly afraid of needles, my pain tolerance is high, and my MIL was a nurse for a while, so bring on the syringes.

If the first three rounds of fun don't work, the next step would be either injectables or IVF, with an optional bonus stopover in lap land. I think my insurance would pay for a lap, and though I know it's not to be taken lightly, there are some things in my past that indicate a lap may not be that bad an idea. I'm not too hot about the whole injectables + IUI thing, though we'd want to do the math and see what's up. Part of me just says, fuck it, bring on the IVF, if you're going to ask me to turn my ass into a pincushion with thousand-dollar meds anyway. Studies I've seen but can't seem to locate right this second also indicate that if three IUI cycles don't do it, it's in vitro time.

Get out the top hat and start the high kicks! Jazz hands!

All this has to wait until next month anyways, thanks to the colpo-imposed abstinence I'll be bearing after next Wednesday. One nice thing, the RE, let's call him Dr. Spunk, wasn't worried about my abnormal pap. Even if I got a LEEP, he said, it's highly unlikely I'd end up with an incompetent cervix. That helped me chill out.

On a more emotional note, I feel very calm about all this somehow. Am I in shock? Shut down? It doesn't really feel that way. I was nervous before the appointment, but I didn't feel the horrible anxiety that has suffocated me in the past when I thought about fertility treatment. I felt cool during the appointment, not hopeful, not resigned, but somehow... even and calm. Perhaps it's time. I feel like I'm bracing myself for a fight, but one I know I'll be able to win in the end, regardless of the outcome.