So, this week has been rough. My sitter has been out because she just lost a pregnancy (I know, right?). My man has been working 10-hour days, every day (except Saturday--that's merely 8 hours). It's been hotter than hell. I'm feeling very ill and now emotionally drained and stretched. This makes my little guy crankier than usual, too.
And now, right when I need some support, or at least neutrality, my guy feels all blue and grumpy. I understand: it's his potential child on the line, too. But damn it! He's not nauseous. He's not exhausted. He doesn't spend all night comforting a toddler and going pee. He doesn't have to endure the pain of jaws clamping on very sore nipples a dozen times a day.
I'm so frustrated. All the things I'd like to do--go for a hike in the woods, enjoy a beer, know whether I'm about to miscarry--are currently off the table. And I'm alone in my suffering, because he's in his funk. This really fucking sucks.
I wish I'd never gotten pregnant (I know, that's annoying to some of you. I'm genuinely sorry). Everything was fine before.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough go of it. I sincerely hope that good times are on the way for you - or at least some peace.
Ditto what PJ said. Sending some hugs. Feeling alone in all of that is the absolute worst.
I'm so sorry for your limbo and for not feeling like you have support as you wait to get out of limbo.
I'm so sorry. All this is so horribly hard. Holding you in my thoughts.
I hope the clouds part soon. It's lousy to need a shoulder to lean on and not have it, I know that much.
Also, I have to say - a pregnant infertile woman worrying about another miscarriage and having a rough time because the (presumably normally fertile) sitter for her toddler is unavailable due to her own recent miscarriage - there's layers of irony there. I don't even know where to start with that one - wow.
Feel better soon. At least the heat will be breaking...
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