Random consolation

Yesterday was pretty grim, but slowly lightened. I basically begged off any responsibilities I had for the day and retreated to bed and the Muppet Show, which has to be the best way to laugh your ass off. I mean, if Manamana won't do it, nothing will. This was after a lovely hike in the snowy woods not far from our house, where a spring gushes from under a cliff and fills this amazing pond popular with various wild birds. The woods heal me, and my guy and I had a really good, loving talk.

I also got a call from two friends, one who's studying to be a PA in New York and another who's studying the same obscure corner of the world that I am. Both were very comforting and reassuring, and one had even had cryotherapy for abnormal cells years ago and went on to have two full-term pregnancies. If only my acupuncturist were in town! She's out of the country until January.

Most importantly, though, I realized that I can call the shots here, this being my body. I can weigh the risks and benefits and get a second opinion if I'm not comfortable with the treatment plan suggested after we get the colpo results. No one can force me to do anything. If I decide to opt for watchful waiting and if things get worse, then I'll get treatment. But if the lesions seem on the mild side, I can always refuse the knife, at least for now. This sense of control helps me. I really hate the fear that gets hammered into us women about our workings. I mean, people, there's a 0.5% chance of these cells turning into invasive cancer in the next 24 months. Let's not shit ourselves yet. Why aren't we taught and encouraged to make reasonable, careful choices? I think the answer is liability. Doctors sometimes slice first to keep their asses covered.

Probably the most annoying thing at the moment: the thought that after they do the hooha-scope, no sex for a week. Of course, it's right when I'm ovulating. Very funny. Oh, yeah, and the day afterward I have a dentist appointment to get some teeth drilled. Maybe I should do my taxes the day after that, eating only runny oatmeal and worms. I'm really looking forward to early January.