So, I woke up Jan. 1st to my new body. I'm 40 lbs overweight.
I've never been skinny, and I've always had to think about my weight and health as an adult. But I've always been in the upper range of "normal" BMI-wise, likely because I used to walk, run, swim, and do yoga all the time. I've got a very high-energy personality that languishes when inactive.
I'm not stupid: I know changing my current state will be tough. It's one thing to whittle away at ten extra pounds, and another to cast off four to five times that.
But I have to do it. I don't feel like myself. I can't stand the feeling of all these sweaty, uncomfortable folds of flesh. I hate that I have dollops of back fat (though thankfully nursing has taken care of some of that). Sometimes, and this is embarrassing, I get so fed up with my body that I pound my fist on couch beside me, as I sit through yet another endless nursing session. I've been walking and going to the Y as much as I can, and finally, now that I'm not so desperately sleep deprived, I'm watching my food intake, but damn if this isn't a slow, frustrating process.
It's particularly frustrating because my body just piled on the pounds during pregnancy, even when I did my damdest to eat 2000 cals a day and exercise more than moderately for 30-45 minutes per day. All for a teensy tiny little baby. Seriously, I only lost about ten pounds giving birth.
I don't want to look like a stick with boobs Hollywood star. I just want to wear my old clothes again. I don't want my old life back. I just want a new one where I feel vaguely attractive and a little less Rubenesque.
5 comments:
First, please consider forgiving your body for putting on the weight. It did what it had to do even though you thought it might have been a little overzealous. And you got an amazing new life because of those pounds.
Now, you have reached that point where frustration meets determination and I think that will be all the motivation you need. As a tool to help, might I suggest Weight Watchers? They have plans specifically geared towards nursing mothers so that you still get the calories you need to help Bruiser put on his weight, but that also help you lose yours.
Either way, you will get your body back. I know it.
I totally understand the feeling of not feeling like oneself. When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I always do a double-take. I'm not sure who that is or how she got here (although I have some theories...). I haven't been pregnant so I don't have quite 40 pounds to fight off (and I will say, you have the mother [heh] of all excuses - I live awaiting the day when someone will tell me that of course I have giant hips after all my pregnancies), but I've put on a good 20, and it's not coming off like it used to...when it was 5 or 7. It sounds like you're already doing the stuff you need to, and actually seeing progress (which I have yet to see). I know you can do this.
breastfeeding made me look gargantuan so while you have a little bean to feed you will look and feel puffy. I used to think of it as being the fat needed for the milk. it sucks but you're kind of still a vessel for someone else.
Even though I didn't gain a lot of weight with my pregnancies, my old pants never fit again (my hips changed) and I had to throw out all my old bras for good. I couldn't fit into my old shirts for about 2 1/2 years (extended nursing did that).
So under the excess weight you do have a changed body and it will take time to peel back the unnecessary layers.
I found the lack of freedom and radically altered body as just part and parcel of having had a kid. As kids became more independent, my body slowly became mine again.
By slowly please consider my youngest is 3 and I am only just starting to feel my body is back being the way I almost like it... (but I'm lazy and don't exercize or diet, so this was just natural attrition! Imagine if I had done yoga! buns of steel :)
I bet despite the extra weight, you look like a BEAUTIFUL new mother. Though I understand the need to do something about it. I'm there too and don't even have the excuse of childbirth! Good luck! I know you can do it. :)
So get rhis.
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