[completely gratuitous rant about birthing practices. Feel free to skip if it will cause distress.]
Articles like this one used to make me nod, before we ever tried to conceive. Then, they used to make me cringe and rage, when I couldn't seem to get pregnant or even get any answers regarding said non-pregnantness. It seemed like a magical world where women had mind-blowing wonderful experiences and were profoundly changed in ways I would never get to know because I was somehow broken.
Now, they just make me laugh.
I mean, I'm all for people doing what they think is best for them. Want to give birth in an inflatable pool in the middle of your tiny Queens kitchen? Go ahead! Want to believe it makes you feel fantastic and empowered? Knock yourself out.
I just know that if I ever get that far, I'm not really going to give a shit. I no longer care if I wind up with a C-section. I don't care if I have a doula. While I think it's a shame that my state outlaws midwives, I don't think I'll ever need one.
Why? Because I doubt I will ever have the luxury of a low-risk pregnancy. Just judging by my fabulous track record so far. This used to make my heart ache. Now all I want is a living child and my health left more or less intact.
My mom always urged me to go to a hospital to give birth. Why? Because I was a complicated (though fast and nearly painless) birth: I had all sorts of stuff going on at birth that was resolved, only because I was right there with access to medical care. Otherwise, the docs said I might have had serious mental disabilities.
I always told her I preferred to plan for a home birth with a midwife, that it was my decision, or our decision. My husband was born at home, after all.
But no, that delusion has been shattered: If I ever get that far, I'm sure as hell going to be in the least risky place possible. Which apparently is our local hospital. I've had enough with taking risks and letting nature take its course. Nature's course for me is clearly not a very nice one.
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13 comments:
I remember all those romanticized notions of childbirth. I used to freak my mother in law out by talking about going to a midwife center.
Now, I'm with you. I really don't care (and I suspect after my myomectomy it's going to be a c-section anyway). I just want to survive it and end up with a baby.
That's assuming I can actually get there, of course.
Glad you're finding entertainment while your numbers hover annoyingly in the teens.
so interesting! When we first started trying to concieve I wanted a home birth with a mid wife. I didn't like the idea of how hospitals treat pregnancy as a condition and not a wonderful miracle experience.
Things have changed. This baby taking so long to concieve will now be born in a hospital. I have too many friends (mostly from blog land) where things have gone wrong for them and their babies. I want to be close to the place where if things go bad Twinkle can be saved.
So interesting how time, and more knowledge can really change our ideas about things!
I saw that article too. I was never into the home birthing thing or longing to experience the marvels of non-medicated childbirth, etc. I know this is a loaded subject, & I'd never tell anyone else what to do -- & obviously, it's not a decision I'm ever going to personally have to make again -- but having had my own problem pregnancy & seen way too many clients walk through the door at our support group whose "normal" pregnancy & delivery turned horrific pretty quickly -- had there been a second time around for me, I most certainly would have taken all the drs, testing & intervention available if I felt it would increase my chances of bringing home a live child. (However, I have met lots of loss parents who, despite what happened to them, still believe in home birth. To each their own.)
I'm right there with you. C-Sections no longer scare the bejesus out of me. I actually think I may have put off even trying to conceive at one point over that fear.
Now I am just begging and hoping my center will fit me in so I can once again inject myself with hormones, be poked and prodded, and eventually have a needle pierce my vaginal wall and aspirate my follicles!
I was a difficult birth too. I have forcip scars on my cheek from them pulling me out that way. And I was very jaundiced. My mom reminds me of this every now and again.
You know, I didn't read this article because you have chastised me in the past for reading NYT articles about this kind of stuff! :)
But, I totally agree with you. Oh, to be so lucky to have the luxury to decide that you are going to birth at home. I want to be as close to a NICU as humanly possible because I will have worked so damn hard to bring that child into existence that I am not about to let anything go to chance. I have no birth plan other than to have a baby. I guess that's what happens when you lose your pregnancy innocence.
Heh. I read that article.
I really can't see myself giving birth in an inflatable tub. I will definitely go to a hospital. I've read too many sad sad blogs.
Can you imagine being a neighbor of one of these women? What if they're in labor for a long time?
You are so right to want to do everything in your power to make sure that baby becomes a reality. Never feel guilty for having reflected and come to an informed decision about doing the best thing for everyone involved.
Even though I strongly support home-birthing for those who can and want to, that NYT article was pretty awful. Maybe the Times' features section just has this habit of treating everything as trivial and superficial. "What's going to happen to the rug..." puke.
Was the author being superficial or were all the people being interviewed just that shallow? I don't know. But I think that article will do more to alienate people who are understandably terrified and attract trend-setters who will ignore their true medical situation and do something stupid.
For me, homebirth made me reconnect with my body which I had come to mistrust and absolutely hate because of IF. Nature screwed me big time and it was going to find more ways to screw me again. Instead, after a lot of work on my mind, too, it helped me believe I really was physically made to have a baby.
But all those considerations ONLY came after getting pregnant and making it to the 7th month! It is way too early to stress over "how." One step at a time! And the final goal is getting that baby in your arms. Not having blissful fairy tales to tell the Times.
I gave birth in the hospital, under pretty dire circumstances, but my midwife caught my son.
When I was lamenting how different the whole thing was, from what I had planned, and how this wasn't what I expected, she reminded me, the role of child birth is to bring a child into the world, not be a self-actualizing experience for mum.
I have to agree with Eurydice - this seems like a report on a trendy thing to do. I'm all for medical intervention. I had the labor that never went anywhere (I think the doctors convinced my daughter shortly after conception that it would be in her best interests to stay put - mom wasn't having another miscarriage!) and ended up having a c-section. My OB was very tentative about the subject and was surprised when I said I wasn't opposed. He even continued to try to sell the idea after I said it would be OK. Of course, my OB also said that the best time to get the epidural was at conception. I love him.
My friend had a home birth (and I thought she was crazy), but she had a horrible experience in the hospital with her first. I can't blame her for wanting to retain control. It's just not for me. If I could have given birth at the Children's Hospital, I would have done that, just in case there were problems.
Oh, yes. I am so with you. It seems like in the midst of the debate over birthing practices that people have lost sight of the whole live baby thing... Sheesh. Preferences are, of course, one's prerogative, but hostile debate on the topic is just ludicrous. Live baby! Live baby is the only factor that should matter, I think.
I'm another crunchy one that has let go of a lot of my ideas about how my birth will go once I get to that stage. Not to say that I might not change my mind back, but just that all that is far less important to me than it used to be. That said, I've attended 3 hospital births (my two nephews and my best friend's second child) and there is a lot that needs to change to make birth a better experience for everyone. It's one thing to be close to needed medical interventions - it's another thing to either have interventions pushed on you for no reason other than the convenience of the doctors, or to have people just generally being jerks while a woman is busy giving birth.
And yes, the article was extremely dumb. The expensive bed frame just made me giggle.
I've never been in to the whole home birth idea but respect others wishes if that is what they want. Me I just want a live baby and a live me and how we get there really doesn't matter that much.
Interesting post, shinejil!
At the very end, the NYT article did flag up some significant differences between attitudes to home birth in the US and the UK. There have been some pretty damning reports published about the state of maternity services here in the UK. Funding cutbacks mean that many maternity units are desperately overstretched, with far too few midwives trying to attend to far too many women (it is highly unlikely that a consultant obstretrician will be present at a birth unless significant complications develop).
Bearing all that in mind, I seriously considered having a home birth because it meant that I would have two midwives attending me throughout the labour (in an NHS maternity unit, there is a significant possibility that you will simply be left on your own and not properly monitored). Having said all that, I eventually decided that (if I am lucky enough to get to that stage) I will give birth in hospital - that way, if significant complications develop and I need an emergency c-section that can at least happen quickly. I think as many others have said, having gone through so much to get to this point, my priority has to be to bring home a live, healthy baby.
(Although the real reason I've decided against a home birth is, of course, because I'm far too precious about the soft furnishings!!!)
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