Hey! I've figure out this great thing that makes all things better.
It's this wacky thing called sleep. Apparently, when you're nine months pregnant you need to do a lot of it.
And when you do, you discover you are no longer convinced you are a failure for growing a small baby and that impending doom seems a lot less inevitable. You don't find yourself bawling your eyes out because you just. cannot. bear any more struggle with the terror that's been haunting you day in and day out for the last, oh, two years.
I came home from our gig last night (which went really wonderfully--I really sang my ass off) and collapsed into bed. Then, my guy, in a rare move, went out for a very brief time with his high school buddy. Which woke me up and kept me from sleeping. When he returned, I plummeted swiftly into meltdown, thinking about how everyone keeps commenting how great or cute I look, but they have no idea about the darkness I wrestle with, the fear. That the pregnant lady eating an ice cream cone with pigtails is begging the divine on a regular basis for a living child.
Yet sleep has changed all that--and perhaps getting it off my chest and being loved on by my confused yet comforting guy. Bruiser is going to make it, he's going to be fine, and a whole new type of worry and anxiety can begin, one I feel far better equipped to manage.
Well, at the very least, it will be a new kind of anxiety.
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5 comments:
Glad you got some sleep. It is amazing how much sleep will help.
Don't forget this when you are up feeding or rocking Bruiser in the middle of the night (or the next day) and having a meltdown. Sleep deprivation makes any dark thought SO much worse!
So glad you got some blissful sleep!
I havent' been sleeping well myself lately, but I did get a good night's worth this weekend, & it's amazing what a difference it makes. Rest up, my friend!!
Yes, it is an absolute miracle what a good night's sleep can do for you. I've been feeling so damn tired lately, and sleeping/half-napping all day most days, and when H wakes me up, MAN, it pisses me off! It makes it so hard to keep things in perspective, being tired and being denied the one thing that makes it better.
Of course, I imagine from H's perspective that having a wife who wants to sleep 12 hrs a day is a pain in the ass, especially when there are things to get done, but still. I know too well the dark feelings and the lack of perspective that can happen when our brains need that bit of downtime.
Rest, rest, rest! I can't believe you're 9 months already! Exciting.
sleep is soooo important and soo hard to get when pregnant!!! glad you got some!
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