...is that always seems to be framed in crippling fear.
Let me explain. I'm a hippy: I've got long hair, eat organic food, don't wear make up, am often caught in linen. But I'm really, really sick of my fellow leftist treehuggers' obsession with scaring the shit out of themselves and others in the name of "empowerment."
Take child birth options. I picked up "Having Twins" at the library. It's got a positive message--just because you're having multiples doesn't mean you have to have a C-section or an early birth or an underweight baby--but it's so couched in all the terrible, awful, no-good things that the doctors will do to you if you dare venture into an L&D ward that it makes you reel with anguish. There's a self-righteous, preachy tone that grates on the nerves--especially when the author has a three-page diatribe against milk. I mean, come on, peeps. So, women who have complicated pregnancies, just like infertile women, are once again shut out from the nirvana that is "natural" motherhood.
Not every woman has birthing options. I live in a sophisticated but small town. There is one hospital that does births. There are no birth centers. Midwifery is illegal (though practiced on the sly) in my state. There is only one RN who is also a certified midwife in town. She's a busy woman, as you can imagine.
I'd consider a home birth, if it was something like what my MIL had, back in the late 1970s: A doctor came to her house! In a snowstorm, even.
So, it makes me think: How could we actually empower women to trust their bodies, not only in the rarified realm of the birthing pool, but in any and all situations? I think this is especially important for women whose bodies have not made conception and pregnancy easier. They need to be doubly empowered, not estranged because they can't play certain reindeer games.
It's like you only get to be empowered if you had the power of choice to begin with. And that's bullshit.
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8 comments:
Midwifery is illegal?! Wow.
infertility seems to always find its way back into your life and stab you with its claws. whether it prevents you from having the birth plan of your choice, or preventing adoption (in my case), or causing you to worry about your pregnancy way more then a "typical" womens pregnancy. IF just plain sucks and always will.
Very interesting post, Shinejil. And I have to agree - the fear-mongering is complete bullshit. There has to be a better way to have the discussion about options (about anything, not just birth) without resorting to that sort of dogmatic crap.
One book I'd recommend on this is Birthing From Within. It has a natural birth slant but is a lot more inclusive than a lot of sources out there, and is less a birthing method than sound guidance on how to ensure that you get to experience birth, however it happens (including caesarian births) and that you're in touch with your body and your own power throughout the process.
It seems to me that a huge part of the problem is just how screwed up our society is - everything is about consumption, and nothing is about real experience. (I generalize, of course.) But this has huge impacts on how we mark and live through major life events, like infertility, or birth, or parenthood. It's all so much about the best research or the best treatment or the best method or whatever. And it seems so hard to get beyond that in normal discourse. I keep asking myself how I can create and participate in the kind of real community I think every human being needs - sometimes I think we're doing really well, and other times it just seems like a drop in the bucket.
I'm a bit grumpy today. Can you tell?
You are right.
But you know, I don't know if I can believe in my body at this point. Maybe if it does something right for a change, but not at this point.
And just how long is your hair?
I had no idea midwives weren't legal here! That is madness. Still, I'd think there would be millions where you are, seeing as how you are a hippie surrounded by other hippies!
Wow, I've literally never given this any kind of thought. If you'd already had a few and knew how you took labor, you could just elect to have it at home and darn the consequences, if you will. But with the first - and twins - that's probably not such a good bet.
Maybe this sounds crazy, but do you have close family in another city/state where you could find more options? Maybe you could arrange to spend a month or two somewhere you don't live, for the birth?
Sorry, I guess you didn't ask for advice...hope I'm not being a busybody!
a natural, drug-free, at home, water birth absolutely, hands-down re-empowered me after the soul-crushing experience of infertility.
IF makes you not trust your body and certainly makes you hate nature as a major fuck up. I needed to heal myself from this mentality that IF contaminated me with.
but it didn't come about simply by doing the homebirth. it was the whole "training" my mind and body to trust in nature and myself again (which came about with guidance from my midwife and other mothers.)
it took 8 months of being re-programmed that did the trick -- that made my next journey possible (that and being healthy and having a totally uncomplicated pregnancy which are THE major requirements.)
i can't believe midwifery is illegal anywhere!!! you can always just not get to the hospital on time, i guess...
time will tell you the right thing to do. but whether you have a C or medical intervention, it's the mind and body work you can do now that will help you get back in harmony with your body.
excellent post. bizarre about midwifery being illegal.
it's true there is such fear-mongering with the mainstream birthing establishment. though I guess I'm on the flipside now, with our expectant mom choosing a home birth with midwives, and me being scared because I KNOW about all the things that can go wrong.
the book anna recommended is really awesome -- never got to use it, obviously, but I know it and can recommend it.
sorry to hear about runty. wishing the rest of you well.
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