Nope, not another ode to the wonders of Burmese soup. But a very peculiar sensation I keep having when I'm around children whose company I enjoy.
I feel a physical longing to give birth to someone like them. Seriously, it's like my whole reproductive system howls with a craving to get to work.
Maybe this is what many women feel who long for a child, and I've never felt it so acutely before. Wanting to be pregnant and bear a child were so abstract to me when I began this blog, forget back when we started trying. Maybe this sensation is a kind of pregnancy withdrawal, when that high tide of hormones recedes and leaves you dull and grounded and hollow again. It's as if my ute has decided to do backflips or something.
It's hard to bear, really, and I feel oddly ashamed of it. It makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. I want to bear a child too much, my brain says, and it will be obvious, the scarlet IF on my chest.
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12 comments:
I find the more time I spend with little ones, the worse the craving gets. It sucks.
Oh, Shinejil! This post is one of those that says everything I've been feeling but haven't found words for. Yes, yes, yes. And thank you.
I, too, have a scarlet IF on my chest...
Oh Shinejil. I have those days quite often. And I can't even blame it on having been pregnant, as I never have been.
I think, for me at least, that longing to be pregnant and have my own child comes from really wanting those things and not from my vacant uterus / screwed up hormones.
Being vulnerable like this sucks. And just know that I'm right there with you.
For the few days that I was pregnant, and really feeling pregnant (intense nausea and etc.) I was loving it. Just the knowing what was going on in my body, felt so right. So when I started NOT feeling that way, it felt very empty.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I completely relate to your post.
December. Maybe we will have luck, that STAYS, in December. Here's hoping!
maybe we could get a discount on our matching IF shirts.
my uterus actually aches when i see babies. it also doesn't help that i teach the cutest 6 year olds in the whole world.
i wish that my envy didn't feel like it was going to choke me.
I can't tell you what to feel, but I can tell you that it is very strange to all of a sudden get that want-y feeling when it comes to children that you never. had. before. I also understand how it can feel shameful, but I choose to see it as another facet of my personality that is just now rearing its head.
Kind of like when I discovered how much I loved interior decorating or economics. Yes, I did such compare having children to interior decorating. :)
Oh I know exactly what you mean. My body actually aches wanting to have that. Darn biological urges.
:(
((HUGS))
That's beautiful.. your scarlet letter. and oh, pregnancy withdrawal!! who knows?!!
I def. felt an inner yearning that kept getting more intense like a cat in heat.
hugs!
yup. that doesn't really go away. mine gets worse the more I see them.
really a perfect post in its elowuent simplicity.
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