God, this really has to be one of the nastiest outcomes. And now I'm all paranoid that it's going to happen again.
The odds are in my favor (theoretically) to have a normal uterine pregnancy next time (10-20% chance that I'll have a repeat ectopic). But if I do manage to lodge another embryo in my tube, the next time I get knocked up, it's fifty-fifty. That's when the docs get all agitated and move to remove your tubes.
I just can't bear the thought of being functionally sterile. But then I realized recently that from now on, even when I get my period, I won't rest until I pee on a stick a few days after AF appears. Because that's exactly what happened this time: I bled, but I was pregnant in the wrong place.
Great: so now I'm not only terrified I will never get pregnant again; I'm also frightened that I will get pregnant and not be able to figure out where the little tyke has grabbed on. There's no way I'll ever get to enjoy any of this process.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
Breathe in, breathe out. Remember your mother's words about taking trouble one day at a time? She meant things like this. . .(Or was I the only one who had that mother?)
Oh, suck! What a terrible place to be. I hate catch-22 type scenarios- you want to be pregnant, but it could be ectopic again, and even if you aren't trying, you still could have a period but also be pregnant in the wrong place- oh, man. I have no idea what I would do in your situation. And I so feel for you. That is just such a sucky situation to be in.
I'll just wish you peace of mind. I wish I had better to offer, but I don't know exactly what to say. It's a touch situation.
argh. I know its hard, but try to relax and stay focused. You don't know whats going to happen the next cycle, adn chances are good it won't be a eptopic!
thinking of you sweety!
so hard to imagine the positive when all we can think about is what else could happen. mrs. spit is right, one day at a time.
I hate that feeling of having been robbed of the "normal" process of achieving pregnancy. And I am sure dealing with an ectopic is agonizingly difficult. My heart just goes out to you.
Let's hope that this next round goes MUCH better!
Huge hugs
When you've already lost one pregnancy, it's incredibly hard not to assume that the same thing may happen if you fall pregnant again. However much we may try to reassure ourselves with statistics, we cannot help but relive our past experiences. I think that all any of us who find ourselves in that situation can do is to hold our breath and hope.
But I'm beyond sorry that getting a positive will never again be a cause for unconditional joy for you, shinejil. It seems like another thing that infertility has cheated you of.
Ectopic is the worst. I'd take a BFN over that any day. It makes you lose faith in pregnancy tests (among other things). I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I'm sorry that you've been robbed of this too, shinejil. Once I saw spotting, I was able to let go of my hopes for that cycle... but not to know for sure must be terrible. I'm thinking about you and hoping that the odds remain in your favor.
Found you through Geeks in Rome. So sorry. I can't even imagine the kind of anxiety you must feel. Sending good, peaceful thoughts your way!
The mindfuck never ends.
As if you need another reason to worry! Day by day is all you can do, and when that becomes too much drink a big 'ol just of wine, put in a good movie and tell your husband to rub your feet.
Ah, not only have you now lost your pregnancy innocence, you've lost your conception innocence, too! It was a double whammy, no doubt about it.
I agree with mrs. Spit. One day at a time - you can't do anything about it right now and it is just going to add to your angst. And, isn't there enough angst in the world already?
I think you need to watch a good 80s miniseries on DVD. It does wonders.
Ugg. Sorry this is all happening.
Post a Comment