I used to get all the old-school symptoms of PMS: irritability, cramps, you know, the classics. I still get premenstrual symptoms, but they are all overwhelmed now by an insane spaciness, a fog that just won't clear. I blame progesterone.
When I was put on progesterone supplementation (pills, not suppositories or injections for you aficionados out there), I basically lost all power to think straight. I would wander through my days, falling asleep whenever seated and not drinking tea, looking like one of those big sad-eyed children you see in seventies velvet paintings. Except it felt really miserable, though as I tell it, it sounds pretty fun.
I'm suffering a minor bout of a related state. I've got a chapter to show my advisor and I'm trying to email it to him, but my mind just drifts off on a puff of lilac-tinged air as I sit here, attempting to give it one last read. I've even had a splash of caffeinated coffee (oh my!) and the fog remains. I have no will to do anything and would probably spend the whole day wandering through the neighborhood looking at all the pretty flowering trees. It's like my body is producing its own marijuana.
Again, this sounds fun, but I want to focus. And I can't. In moments like these, I start to hope for my period (I know, crazy, but I'm just telling it like it is) so that I can think straight again. Nine months like this? Fucking a.
Yesterday, I went for a bit of a run. I'd been slacking for the past few days, and suddenly got a burst of energy and had to go outside. I ran down our local rail trail, which shoots past farms and fields, trailers and tract homes. The red buds and other trees were all in bloom, and the tiny leaves were spreading on the trees. It began to rain, big, warm drops. Everything suddenly smelled so good, and it felt so good to run with the rain falling on me. I felt such joy and freedom.
We're going out to my mom-in-law's this weekend to get started on the garden out there--yes, we have another, bigger patch out at her place--and have dinner. We're also going to go morel hunting. Fresh morels, sauted in a touch of good butter, are basically better than any other food I know. Yes, even than chocolate. Hmmm... chocolate-covered morels?
Okay, I'm returning to my fog now.
4 comments:
Awe that sucks! I have never heard of that before, you poor thing.
I sure hope the fog clears soon! Have fun at your moms garden!
I would LOVE to see pics of your garden sometime!
I feel like I've been in that fog for months now. Drugs. Maybe drugs are the answer!
Progesterone does that to me, too. When I'm just having my normal cycles, I usually have one day like that. But with the PIO this last cycle, it was like that for a full week. Especially the falling asleep thing. I literally had to shut my office door so when I drifted off an jerked awake no one would see.
Silly me, I thought it meant I was pregnant.
Um, what were we talking about, again?
That totally sucks that you are having the spacies. I was fortuate that I didn't get these on the progesterone, but when I was pregnant, I was about as spacey as they come. All of a sudden, my type A personality turned into the stoned spacey personality. It sucketh.
I hope that your fog lifts.
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