I'm embarrassed to admit it, but JRR Tolkien is still on my mind. Isn't it funny how certain stories will take a hold of us at certain times in our lives? But more than his tales, I've been thinking a bit more about his view of hope. Tolkien proposed an opposite to catastrophe, an unexpected, complete turn for the worse: eucatastrophe, when events suddenly take a turn for the better.
Actually, you can see eucatastrophe at work throughout history, during the American Revolutionary War, say, when a ragtag, badly outnumbered army outmaneuvered the British. Or in the life of everyone's favorite Mongol Chinggis Khan (a.k.a. Genghis), who went from poor ragamuffin to ruler of a huge hunk of Eurasia. At some point in the chain of events, a turning point came and because one thing went right, a cascade of positive outcomes followed. Eucatastrophe is a node, where linear development breaks down and a revolution of sorts bursts forth.
Right now, I feel that I'm in a holding pattern, and no, it's not just because I'm a week post-ovulation. I'm slowly chipping away at the ginormous dissertation project. I'm waiting to see if I get surgery next month, and if it actually helps at all. I'm waiting for the next few weeks, when the gardening season opens. For the first time in my life, there are no major transitions waiting, no possible adventures right around the corner, no big trips to plan for.
I long for some kind of eucatastrophe, and I'm not even limiting myself to pregnancy here. It's just been a month or so of bad luck and minor mishaps (our car recently needed $1,200 of work, on top of all the other nonsense this year has brought), with little counterbalancing good news. Perhaps this will all resolve come spring, when the smell of the earth is in the air and the very first greens are sprouting. Perhaps I need a long hike in the woods--I've been away from the forest for two weeks, and that may be causing this restlessness. This Saturday, it's hit the trails or bust!
Until then, I'll watch the snow fall, listen to some great minimal techno, and eat some mighty fine mushroom soup my guy whipped up yesterday.
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5 comments:
I'm loving this concept ... a turning point for the better sounds like just what's needed. Wishing you a mind-blowing eucatastrophe!
What a wonderful word, Eucatastrophe. I think even in the normal course of events, this time of year brings about the type of enui you are experiencing, not to mention the downs you have had in the past year. So add all that up, and I can truly understand and relate to the desire, no the NEED, to have something good happen, signaling a change in fortune. This dreary weather does not help one little bit... the desire for life (not only the life you would so wish within you) but the budding of trees, greening of grass, chirping of birds... that desire is so strong this time of year after our long hibernation in the confines of winter. I find that looking at gardening catalogs and fanatasizing about new landscaping projects helps me look forward to it. I also had a wind-visor installed on the sunroof of my car this weekend, in anticipation of zipping down the highway in the warm spring weather. I truly, truly wish for eucatastrope for you very soon. I hope this spring brings all kinds of happiness!
I like the idea of eucatastrophe. (Ok, that was really hard to type.)
I hate being in this waiting place. It kills me that I'm not able to do a damn thing right now. My whole life feels like it's on hold.
I love this post and I love the word Eucatastrophe. It nicely wraps up the feelings and I couldn't agree more that I would love to have one come my way! I also know what you mean when it's beyond pregnancy. You just go through all these difficulties and you just want one good thing to happen. I very much hope yours is on it's way soon and in the mean time enjoy that snow, the music, and the soup!
You've hit the nail on the head with wishful thoughts for Spring. Doesn't it change everything to feel the sun on your face (an unchapped, nondry, winter face in my case). I have always felt Spring was the turning point. And boy has it been a hard winter.
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