The Odd Thing About Love

First, thank you, my friends, for your kind words of sympathy. It's so nice to know that there are wonderful women out there who can understand not only IF shit, but also the other sorrows that life sometimes throws our way, and how the intersection of those two things makes it just that much harder. What a tortured sentence! Note to self: Stop reading Dostoevsky...

I feel much better today. We buried our cat in the morning, at the edge of a forested hill at my MIL's place in the country. It was so peaceful and beautiful, and my dear man took over the grimmer aspects of the process (i.e. the actual burying). This somehow helped. My husband took me to work with him and we spent the whole day together.

By the evening, I was already feeling not the great sadness, but the love I'd had for this goofy little being. I remember holding her, her endearing quirks, her beautiful black ruff and deep yellow eyes, and I know that we gave her a good home after a rough life (the poor cat had been found as a stray and then later RETURNED to the shelter by some complete and total idiots). So the love continues and is still as sustaining as it ever was, even when its object is no longer alive. That's the odd thing about love: It nourishes the heart, despite loss.

On a different note, I took my first Cl0mid last night. So far, I feel fine, or let's say I don't feel so bizarrely off that I can blame it on the Evil C. I'm supposed to schedule a saline sonogram--yet another request for clarification, y'all: any real point in getting an SIS if an HSG was all clear? I know the SIS is more sensitive to things like polyps (suspected because of my spotting, but I'm skeptical as always). But wouldn't big old polyps causing me spotting and implanting problems show up on an HSG?

I've also been unable so far to acquire an HCG shot or to have one ordered. The joys of small town living. I'm now eager to hear what online pharmacies folks use. I hate going in and picking up my Rx for some reason, especially when most of the pharmacies around here don't have even the IF basics.