What a feeling.
As Mrs. X noted, C is an exercise in sympathy for our mothers who have gone through menopause. While I wish I weren't privy to that experience yet, I'll take any knowledge that gives me more insight into the lives of those dear to me. My hot flashes seem to be getting worse, but with only one more pill to go, I'm hoping they'll soon subside. It does feel bizarre, right? Like a little space heater just switched on in your belly, and pow! You're really, really warm.
Yesterday, my guy and I went on our longest hike to date, out in a remote area. Part of our regional national forest, the area was once home to all these backwoods farms, and their foundations and related debris are still visible. There were even the carcasses of several classic cars, grown through with vines and trees. While there, we had a really good talk about IF, among many other things. He really gets my point of view--that I don't want to piddle around for another year. We've been wrestling with this for more than 2 and a half years, and I need to get this done and move on. I guess, with nothing obviously wrong, it made sense to wait and see. In the meanwhile, as I oft repeat, I got very, very healthy.
But we know that we're clearly not all that fertile on our own, and that something in my poor body is seriously off even if it can't be identified by doctors at this time. Though my husband, bless him, thinks we are just inconsistently fertile, that some months, when my cycle is going well, we could easily conceive but just haven't. Now, there haven't been all that many good cycles, so this is within the realms of possibility. But it's also irrelevant. Whether we could ever do it on our own doesn't really change the arguments in favor of aggressive treatment.
We decided that when we go in for the saline sonogram/follicle check on Thursday, we're going to ask for a cost rundown on IVF. It's not going to get any cheaper, I'm not getting any younger, and our work situations may get way more complicated in two or three years, as I look for and hopefully find an academic job. And I'd rather live through three cycles of difficulty than 9+ cycles of this bullshit. After three cycles, we decided we'd call it quits and move on to other important life projects. Then, at the very least, we'd know that we did everything we could to get to where we wanted to be.
We also resolved to keep the bulk of our IF discussions in the woods.
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3 comments:
I tell you, though, there is nothing weirder than comparing your hot flashes with your mom.
I am so happy that you guys had a really good talk about your IF options. I always felt so much better after those knowing that we had a plan for going forward. I think moving to IVF is a big step and both of you need to be on board, but you guys sound like where we were - we were tired of waiting.
So, what's said in the woods stays in the woods?
thank god and the universe for wonderful husbands. lesser men would have already bailed on our "unexplained" situation.
and thanks for reading my blog. i appreciate the advice and it's a comfort to know that there are others out there like me.
:)
Ugh. Clomid really sucks. I think the difficulty of the IUI hormones was one of the things that led us to do only three IUI cycles before we moved on the IVF. Like you, I was ready to get this part of my life over with. (BTW, IVF hormones aren't nearly as bad.)
Hmmm... that was a year ago and it's nowhere near over for us. Oh well.
Talks in the woods are good. I've started to talk to J about IF less, now that I'm blogging. I think he's relieved.
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