I love the synchronicity that comes from checking DVDs out from the library. In the past two days or so, we've accidentally watched two films revolving around childless couples: "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" and Akira Kurosowa's wonderful last film, "Madadayo." The main male characters are both professors. Yet the lives of these couples couldn't be more different.
One lives in a gut-wrenching, codependent boozy hell in a beautiful, calm little town where you'd think they could find some way to be happy(WAVW), and the other lives through WWII in Tokyo, spending months living in a tiny garden shed, with a quiet love of life and concern for each other. One makes their extremely manipulative way, utterly alone and isolated by incredible amounts of hard liquor--seriously, if you took a drink for every drink on screen, you'd be down after the first 30 minutes--while the other is surrounded by a gang of devoted former students who so enjoy their professor's company, they start an organization to honor him. That he and his wife don't have biological children seems irrelevant.
I say this because even in the case of what many of us in treatment consider the worst possible outcome, we have choices. We can relish life and learning, drawing spiritual children (for lack of a better word) to ourselves with our joy. We can care for each other and tend to our gardens. Or we can sink slowly into a pool of delusion and isolation. Maybe a bit of both has to happen, but the option to love life is still open and always waiting.
So if you're cycling, watch the Kurosawa. Leave "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" alone for now.
Side Effect Watch: I'm done with my stupid pills and didn't have any more hot flashes. We'll find out Thursday of the crap actually had a positive effect on my ovaries.
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5 comments:
Yay for no more hot flashes. I hope it does the trick!
Oh man, has so much really happened so quickly? I feel so sad about your cat. I hope that it means a new beginning. We are always thinking of you.
What a wise post. You are right; we do all have choices and sometimes we forget that. I appreciated this thought today. I'm glad your Clomid is done, and will be hoping it gives good results!As a side note, do you ever notice sometimes the word verification letters are so screwed up that I can't even tell what they are? What the heck.
Don't worry, AB. It's not just you. I often have to reenter those stupid squished bug-looking letters several times before I'm allowed to comment. :)
Hi there,
First, thanks for checking out my blog! I just read through a few of your posts, and being a clomid veteran myself (thankfully with no side effects) my thoughts are with you!
I loved this post, and will definitely check out the Kurosawa movie. It sounds like a wonderful thing. My goal is to not look back on these past 3 years (in my case) of IF as a negative, horrible time. Life is too short, and it is up to us to frame our experiences.
As for getting meds delivered, maybe I didn't get this right, but I have always used and loved MDR Encino Pharmacy. 800 515 3784. I can't imagine that they wouldn't send meds to you whereever you happen to be. Also, have you thought about a stim/IUI cycle, maybe with clomid? I didn't go through your whole history, but it might be a logical step before IVF.
Sorry about your cat, too. That is soo heartbreaking!
All the best,
Dot
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