So, I've been unable to post because it felt kind of like drunk dialing. Meaning my mind has been so unruly and groggy on the drugs that I didn't feel I could be responsible for my utterances. At one point this weekend, I had the distinct impression that a wolverine-like creature was curled up beside me. Though the rest of my brain understood perfectly well that there was no wolverine, the feeling persisted, like a phantom limb.
See, I'm still not making any damn sense...
But I have to thank all of you for your incredibly supportive, sweet comments. I don't know where I would be without the TMI-braving, IF-ass-kicking digital sisterhood. You gals are the best. What would I have done if I hadn't heard your wise advise re: fiber?
Now, instead of the excitement I felt pre-op, I'm feeling almost disappointed. Is it bizarre that I wanted them to find something more...definitive? Like a huge-ass polyp from hell that would have all the docs nodding, "Yep, that's it. No one's getting knocked up with THAT thing in them." Instead, I almost have to consciously remind myself that according to the doctor, I have basically no endo worth mentioning (good news, cross that possibility off the list), and that polyps of any size have been shown to interfere with implantation and I had three of the suckers, albeit small ones.
Instead, I feel like I'm back in Nowheresville, the nothingness and impossibility that is IF for me. Fortunately for my mood, I'm feeling stronger and the weather tomorrow promises to be very warm and springlike. Time to get out and hoe a bit.
8 comments:
Bah. Sorry you're feeling the let down after the surgery. I know it's hard not to get a definite. Like- hey, we found the thing, we fixed it, you should be good to go now.
I don't know what the weather is supposed to be like this week, but it seems sunny today - I'm hoping it is there too and it helps. My mood has been so gray. I am ready for winter to get the hell out.
I was a total zombie on vicodin (and so thirsty!). You'll come out of it once you stop taking them.
I totally understand about feeling disappointed post-op. Thank your lucky stars on the endo and don't give too much thought on whether the polyps. My favorite IF phrase: it is what it is. I think I'll do a sampler of it.
You get to hoe already?! I am dying of jealousy. It's starting to melt up here, but there is still a good foot of snow blanketing my garden, and it will be at least another month before any hoe-downs in my sunny little plot.
I can certainly relate to feeling in limbo and not having definite answers. My experience is quite different, but I know that nothingness all too well. Hope the springlike weather brings you much somethingness.
Oh, my friend, I hope it is all for the good. I have never known you to try so many western medical solutions for anything. May you have the joy of fighting a little person into bed very soon.
It sucks not having any real answers. The good news is, they cleaned out what COULD have been causing problems.
Oh, and feel free to post away in your groggy haze. We'd love the entertainment!
We are dopplegangers, you and I. We even have matching polyps- three little ones. I'm convinced those little suckers are the cause of all of our problems, and now that mine are out, and yours are out, we're both going to get pregnant, just like that. I'm glad you are feeling ok, I've been checking daily and was actually wondering about you while walking the dogs today.
I hear you! I think it is so normal to feel disappointed in your situation. It would be so nice to have a definitive answer with all of this. A definitive, fixable, answer. Unfortunately for most of us that is just not the way it is. But it doesn't mean that things won't fall into place eventually, right?
Glad you are feeling better. Hope the weather held for your hoeing...
hope you're feeling a little better. I think I told you I was really sore after my lap because my RE did so much work (for hours).
I think it's normal to feel a little letdown, but this should increase your chances (cleaning out the "womb" for baby is how we referred to my many surgeries).
gardening of any form has always helped me through darker times. and it sounds like you've got quite a plot to hoe, so enjoy getting in the dirt! ~luna
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