Weird People I Have Known, Part I

I'm sure more stupidity will spin from the windmills of my mind at some point, but for today's distraction, I bring you a tale of a very odd person I once knew.

When I first got to the little college town where I got my MA and am now working on my PhD, I got involved in a musical improv group, probably one of the best of such groups I've ever worked with. That's also where I met my current husband, who was a wild, woolly, somewhat smelly, hard-drinking, mindblowingly funny musician. That's also where I met a very weird guy I'll call Strawberry.

First, let me explain what I mean by weird. Here, I use the word not only in its positive, quirky, eccentric sense, but also to mean disturbing off-center. Strawberry was a healthy serving of both.

Strawberry was from a certain country in Asia Minor. He cultivated a long handlebar mustache that he twirled up at the ends like Dali. He was a bit taller than Prince. He'd been studying classical music at our local conservatory, and he had a bit of the diva beaten into him. But he had also come to the conclusion that in the U.S., anything was permissible in the service of Art.

Our improv group, one fine day, decided we'd play a gig out in front of a fratty sports bar, right after last call. I don't know how, but the jungle telephone brought out a mob of about 50 or so people chanting at around 3:30 am or so. We dressed carefully for the event: I wore black with a black veil and sunglasses. My future man wore a monk's habit (ha ha). Strawberry got it into his head that he needed something special, so he rented a strawberry costume--the kind where the legs stick out the bottom of a stuffed, red fabric fruit--and proceeded to wear it daily until it fell apart. Hence the name.

Strawberry was an interesting and very skillful musician, but he didn't quite understand the spirit of improv, which is to listen and then be creative. To form something spontaneously as part of a group. One gig, I recall, he basically took an unprompted 15-minute solo, pulling out all the Chopin-esque stops. It got so out of hand that one band member mimed the "cut it short" gesture, the hand chopping sideways over the throat. Strawberry's rhapsody chimed on, however, for, as he later insisted, he was convinced that gesture meant, "Please, by all means, keep it up!"

Now, I'm not making up this next part . This is one of those cases when indeed, truth is far stranger than fiction.

You see, Strawberry was a nudist. One of his frequently asked questions was, "Does anyone here have a problem with male nudity?!?" This was usually a signal that he was about to strip, regardless of the answer. I have a clear memory of Strawberry, naked and hairy, being chased relentlessly around the yard by my future husband, who is about twice his size. Strawberry squealed in mock terror, Husband yelled like a berserker, and we watched in stunned silence.

Despite his quirks, Strawberry had a lot of luck with the ladies. One day, I got an email in my inbox from Strawberry. His emails were always good for a laugh because they were filled with flowery language and RANDOM things in ALL CAPS. It was a wedding invitation: He had made the acquaintance of his destined soul mate a few weeks before, somewhere in the wilds of the Northern Midwest, and they had decided to wed. Naturally, the wedding was clothing-optional. Guests were also requested to bring musical instruments to serenade the couple with. From the trees. At our local elf sanctuary (read: nice patch of forest with lots of Mardi-Gras bead shrines and geodesic domes). But, guests were warned, there was poison ivy afoot. And nettles. And it was a vegan potluck.

So, to sum up, guests were required to 1) put down the tempeh cassarole; 2) climb a tree, instrument in hand; 3) strip; 4) play said instrument; 5) avoid poisonous and stinging plants on the descent.

Sadly, the marriage didn't last. Strawberry returned to his homeland, where he refuses to remove his clothing in public or dress like a fruit. Only America gets to see his truly freaky side.