With any luck at all, I'm miscarrying. I'm very happy about that. (Now, for those of you who've experienced losses, I know that sound like a horrible, awful thing to say, but with an ectopic, the sooner you m/c, the better.) I feel like shit, but slightly less terrible shit. I started spotting Sunday, and have had consistent but not overwhelming bleeding ever since. I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed, and that seems to have done me some good.
The farm? Well, better luck next time. The house certainly had its charm, but needed at least 30-40K of work right off the bat, a fact that didn't jive with the price they're asking or our resources (we can't imagine starting a farm AND taking on the responsibility of making a money pit into a decent house).
The main dealbreaker: no well, only a cistern that the current owners had been filling with a huge plastic tub strapped to the back of their pickup. The roof was also quite old, though metal, meaning it probably had a few more years of life left in it. There was rotten wood (on the outside), sagging plaster and beat-to-shit wooden floors, and the nastiest bathroom I'd seen in a long time (and I've seen some gross bathrooms in E. Europe and Asia). I mean, I don't care if you have three kids. Scrub your damn tub if someone is coming to look at the ramshackle farmhouse you've been neglecting for years. I peeked behind the shower curtain and nearly tossed my cookies (which they likely wouldn't have even noticed).
So, as with everything nowadays, the search continues.
And just in case anyone believed my life was calming down, getting easier and finally returning to "normal," my husband is again afflicted with serious anxiety attacks, which are interwoven with hypochondriac ideas that his stomach upset, say, means he has two weeks to live. Thanks, Dr. Google, for helping my man lose his mind. I talked him into going to the decent walk-in clinic our local hospital runs and they ran some tests to rule out the absolutely unlikely possibility that he had cancer. They prescribed milk of magnesia and Ativ@n. They gave him his very own butt shot. Regardless, he still woke me up in the middle of the night in a panic. He's going to see a psychologist who specializes in cognative behavioral therapy tomorrow morning. Thank the goddess. I'm at the end of my rope, and I have to take care of his crazy self, too.
Oh, and one more thing: my RE got in a car accident and broke four ribs.
As I said before, I was a real asshole in a former life.
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12 comments:
It never rains but it pours. :( Big (((HUGS))) to you. I hope things get better soon. My dh has also suffered from anxiety/depression on & off over the years, & you're so right, it's not what you need when you're dealing with your own cr@p. He did go to the dr to get some ativan for it but that's about it; doesn't think he needs counselling. He's run out & although he hasn't needed it in awhile, thankfully, *I* would feel better if he had some around, just in case...! (And if HE doesn't want to use it, maybe I will...!!)
Dh & I also saw some eyebrow-raising stuff when we were house hunting some years ago. You'll find the right place someday...!
(((Hugs))) again.
I am glad that the bleeding may at least signal the beginnings of an end, and that you are taking some time out to rest and to begin to heal.
So sorry that your visit to the farm did not turn out better - I'm sure that you will find the perfect property eventually.
I hope that the CBT helps with your husband's anxiety attacks - it sounds like you have enough on your plate at the moment without having to deal with all that as well!
Wishing you peace, strength and healing, dear shinejil.
you were not an asshole in a previous life. but all that does suck.
I'm glad the meds are finally working and especially that you've been taking it easy.
of course the anxiety attacks are bad timing, and I hope he gets it worked out with the right meds and maybe some counseling if needed. you have enough going on that it hards to be strong and reassuring for someone else when you're feeling worn down and even vulnerable.
ah the farm. people are crazy, huh? I'm sure the right one will present itself to you. and that will be an awesome day.
I understand your feelings completely - if it's going to happen, please Lord let it happen sooner rather than later so you can move the hell on.
And, that's a shame about the house, but still a good decision to pass.
Hopeing hubby gets his anxiety under control and that you get to feeling a little better.
It would all be really funny, Shinejil, if it wasn't happening to someone I like so well. I hope the miscarriage goes as easily as possible and you have no further complications on that front. That farm - well, good plan to pass on it. Sounds quite revolting, and I'm pretty tolerant of the rustic. And I hope your man gets the help he needs one way or another - pharmaceutical or behavioural. Definitely sounds like you two could both use a break.
Dang, girl! Talk about moonbeams, sunshine and rainbow unicorn poop :-) (you cracked me up with that). Sorry the farm didn't work out, sorrier the pregnancy didn't work out, and even sorrier that your hubby is having anxiety attacks. And now the RE on top of it all?! Ok. It has to get better now. That's enough for one week.
oh man! Your poor DH, I hope his apointment helps out!!! And your poor RE, wow that is just insane! i think you should take another few days to jsut stay in bed!
It all sounds like too much to handle to me!! Maybe some good wine is in order?
Hang in there, and I really hope your husband starts to feel better soon. And that you do too, of course. -Dot
You were NOT an asshole in a former life. Girl, you are getting kicked enough! No need to add to it by kicking yourself.
I've been thinking of you. Big hug.
::sending you a huge hug::
I can't imagine having all of this going on at the same time. You weren't an asshole in a prior life... you're a superhero now. I hope things pass quickly for you and that DH gets his anxiety under control. I'm sorry things didn't work out with that farm but I'm sure there's one out there for you somewhere!
Oh poop on a stick about the farm dude. There will be another one.
You were NOT an asshole in a former life. Surely not. I wish so much for you that all the shit will turn around soon, for although I know that you are strong and will get through all of this, enough is enough. You deserve and need some goodness, luck, karma, whatever you want to call it. You deserve it. I'm so sad for you that the farm was a bust-- I was so hoping it could be a place for you to pour your creativity into. I know the right place will turn up, probably at the same time that you get three simultaneous job offers and find out you're pregnant.
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