Everything is great in outer space. Okay, you have to deal with the occasional nasty alien having a bad tenticle day or some major life support system malfunction and all that, but in general, life in space is pretty cool.
And somehow, outer space is saving my life. I've never been a fan of science fiction. But oddly enough, it's the only thing I've been really able to engage with (besides my heartache and pain), the only genre I currently find compelling. It doesn't even have to be all that good; it's the tendency toward moral engagement and big questions posed in fairly accessable, simple ways that I like. Yeoman's philosophy framed by dramatic narratives...
Perhaps I feel like I'm in outer space, cut off from the ins and outs of the world around me. Things seem inverted: people who were never warm to me are suddenly kind, and I feel a strange ability to be very open with people about my deepest feelings, while dreading superficial talk.
Okay, I won't beat that simile to death. But let me say that even here in orbit, I feel my humanity returning. Today, a beautiful early fall day, color returned to my surroundings. A cloud lifted. I'm still distracted and distinterested, but there's a crack where happiness can seep in. Or at least appreciation for natural beauty and human kindness.
I got my blood drawn this morning; it took two gals to squeeze anything out of this turnip of a patient. I'm still bleeding, uh, down there. Gently, reasonably. No pain or cramps. My guy insisted on a beer and fries last night, and seems to have recovered his sanity. He met his new psychologist today, and I have a feeling he's in for some good, solid growth from this experience.
So, in short, today's a good day. Even with all the madness of the last few weeks, it's a good day, thanks in part to outer space. What odd things have gotten you through the worst times?
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7 comments:
I think that being in "outer space" is the way to keep our sanity during difficult times. Being distracted and disinterested is okay. And normal.
Just remember to let more of those moments of happiness in ... whether it be a good book to read or a brisk walk outside if it's nice outside ...
HUGS
The world's shittiest blog-friend here, finally leaving a comment to say that outer space is nice. Really, really nice.
I've been dealing with some fairly heavy crap as of late of a nature too abstract to try to convey in a blog, and I really just want to join you out there, and float a while and tell the world to fuck off. There's something preservative in that oxygenless environment out there, huh?
But instead, I'm a pathetic 30mumblemumble year old undergrad struggling to not strangle my classmates, one by one. That's not who I want to be. I want this year to hurry up and be over already, but at the same time, I want to savor this freedom.
I am so sorry, so very sorry that your plunge into space is a result of such a wrenching thing. Life is motherfucking UNfair. I'm glad that you are gently, reasonably escaping the ectopic. I'm glad your husband is easing his way back to sanity. Beer and fries are a great start. I think I'll have some, too.
I am so glad it is a good day and that there is a crack to let in the happiness. And I am so glad your DHs appointment went well and that he is on the road to healing!!
Things that get me through hard times, hmmm, they all seem normal, like music, art, movies ha ha, boring stuff!
the isolation and surreal aspect of this plus the odd silence would certainly give an outer space quality to your experience.
sometimes I choose that isolation, putting that bubble over my head and choosing instead to focus on the horizon rather than the gravitational pull towards the stuff that makes me sick. interesting. excellent analogy.
YOu are amazing that you can find the cracks where the sun shines in, even after all you've been going through.
I'm so glad that you feel that the cloud is beginning to lift.
I think that being in outer space does hold a certain appeal - the feeling of gently floating further and further away from our earth-bound existence. If I were you, shinejil, I'd stay up in orbit a while longer, although I do hope you don't meet any aggressive alien life forms!
I'm so sorry your man is taking this so horribly, too. But good you both have light on the horizon.
I wish I had had tv or DVDs back when I was going thru awful moments so I could have drugged myself on West Wing. Instead I drowned myself in philosophy (Kierkegaard, Wittgenstein, Krishnamurti...) or I would go for really long runs in the woods and weep under some bush.
I think the nice weather helps, too! Hooray pretty fall days! Boo darkness at 4pm...
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