This is a really weird time. I used to think denial was for cowards, for people who didn't dare to look into their hearts and see what lurked there.
Now I've resolved to remain in denial myself.
You see, I've decided to believe things will turn out well. And statistics, for what they're worth, are on my side.
I can fret and fear and worry until my worrier is sore; it won't change what's already done--I mean, the embryonic die is cast--and it certainly isn't improving the quality of my life. Will putting a downpayment of worry toward any future calamity and the ensuing misery reduce my suffering? No. Will it eliminate the let down that will strike my husband, parents, closest friends? No. Will it change one goddamned iota of anything? No.
So why bother?
I've jumped through a certain major hoop for the first time in my entire life (okay, not counting the ectopic fiasco). I have no idea what will happen. I'm just going to dwell in that, and pretend that there is no shit until it hits the fan.
Let's see how I do.
16 comments:
You rock! Go for it!! you are surrounded by people hoping for the best. just try to let all that good karma sink in :)
Good for you!!
I love your philosophy! I've been trying very hard to think along the same lines! It helps at times... and it is nice to know that, logically, statistics are on your side! I hope everything is fabulous!!!
good plan! It is funny how we know this abotu worry, and yet we still worry! Good luck with this! It is a hard undertaking but I think you can do it! and if you do succed please share your secrets!
All the worry up front certainly doesn't save us from any pain later, that's for sure! Wishing you a worry-free pregnancy!
Fantastic idea. I'm sending all sorts of positive vibes your way. I hope you feel some of the good energy from your bloggy friends!
Ooops, posted that last one with my work account. Embarassing. Please delete?
But still know that I'm cheering like a crazy woman for you!
Atagirl!!! We can live in happy/denial land together. Hopefully neither of us will get voted off the island!
I think there's a big difference between denial and just laying down your worries. You're right that you have no idea what will happen, but equally right that there is no shit until it hits the fan. At the very least, it's highly unpleasant to carry that shit around with you, all the while constantly on the lookout for nearby fans.
Sending you thoughts of peace and light.
its one of those times to dwell in the possibility for good. you're absolutely right. worrying will not be helpful, and can only harm your psyche and diminish what joy may lurk. I'm not saying go crib shopping just yet, but you know what I mean.
its a tough place to be, to relish in the positive possibilities when we've been let down so many times.
GOOD!!!
I've never had a loss so I can't really say I know how those preg after a loss feel, but I can say I understand how someone could feel terrified everyday.
But, I think people who live in fear get the shitty end of the stick. They go through their next pregnancy scared. They never enjoy it, or misses most of it. The loss cycle was the one to mourn and cry and scream. It's unfair to let the new baby go uncelebrated.
And of course, I have no idea how this all feels and I may be totally out of line.
I realized a few years ago that I worried in anticipation so that when the hurt did come, it wouldn't hurt as badly as if I hadn't worried. It didn't work. But, I still can't not worry.
I would take comfort in your strength, because no matter what happens, it will see you through. I'm hoping that you will need it to grow and nurture a little one for nine months. :)
Best of luck with the denial. I was so nervous about being pregnant that I spent the first several -months- visualizing how I would cope with the loss. So I really hope you find a way to enjoy this part of the process as much as possible because the alternative is just no fun.
Great attitude, shinejil!
Sometimes we can be so busy worrying about what may happen in the future that we neglect to focus on what is happening in the present. I hope that you can start enjoying every moment of this much longed for pregnancy.
Whatever you're doing, it obviously works! ; ) Hang in there.
Perfect. Love this. Keep up the good work!
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