...might as well indulge. I think I broke all the preggorules last night: I ate very rare (excellent) tuna prepared by our gormet friend, a classical saxophonist from Puerto Rico. I ate fresh mozzarella and our juicy garden tomatoes. I drank a digestif made with juniper from the south of France. I had coffee. With the exception of changing the litterbox and chomping on poorly refrigerated deli meats or something, I broke 'em all.
Because there's no way with a non-doubling beta and on-going, insistent bleeding that I'm getting to motherhood from this poor little barely-there runtlet. This makes me sad: I feel sorry for this tiny mass of cells that is trying to grow, but is doomed to fail. What a pathetic, pitiful struggle life is sometimes. Poor thing.
Thanks for all your kind comments and support through all this. It really, really means a lot.
I heading to my acupuncturist today, because I feel like crap physically. I have no appetite for anything but sweets today, and I'm weak and drained. I'm back to the poking ground for a blood draw next Thursday, with hopes that my levels will have dropped. Once I have a normal cycle, we can try again. Nurse Sweetie thinks it's not an ectopic, and that it's most likely a fluke, though we'll be meeting with Dr. Spunk in Sept. 9 to see if there are any tests or other things (preferably those covered by insurance) we can run to get more info.
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11 comments:
I'm sorry sweetie. I really am. This is so totally unfair.
Good for you, Shinejil. Glad you indulged yourself and flipped the bird to all the preggorules. I tend to think many of them are stupid and should be taken with a grain of salt, but of course when it's my turn I will be obsessive. It doesn't help that there's a listeria outbreak here that has killed 2 people and caused a huge recall of sandwich meat. Gross. But I'm always solidly in favour of indulgence like you had last night - it's always so civilized. That digestif sounds so lovely.
I hope your meal last night fed your heart as well as your belly, and your acupuncturist can boost your energy.
Thinking of you very often these days.
I am glad you are going to accupucture! I hope that helps you out. I am sorry, I really am, I agree with Mrs. Spit, it is so unfair.
I hope the acupuncture makes you feel better. (((hugs)))
Poor little cell mass.
And you're welcome to come change my cats' litter box if you're trying to do a checklist.
well i've started drinking again, so i guess i'm "indulging" like you! i guess us infertiles gotta find fun somewhere, right?
your dinner sounds amazing.
I'm so sorry this one didn't work out. Sounds like a good idea to go see the acupuncturist.
You deserve all the soft, non-processed European cheese you can get your hands on. We always thing the "no" will be the hardest thing to hear, but I'm not convinced the answer you have, a complete non-answer, is even worse. I'm so sorry this is dragging on. I confess to holding out some hope, at least some sense that this is a prelude to better things.
I have been in this kind of beta hell, and you have to do whatever it takes to get through it.
I'm so sorry, shinejil. As others have already said, all of this is so horribly unfair.
But I'm glad that you are nurturing yourself - with good food and drink, and with acupuncture. I'm sure such things can only help the healing process.
Wishing you peace and strength.
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