Dr. Spunk's office refuses to let me start shooting up again until next month, and insists I have a WTF meeting with the doc himself on Sept. 9.
Gee, I know what happened! I got the shit end of the stick and didn't get pregnant, though all went well. And this was indeed the more likely scenario, with IUI + Follistim's fabulous 20-30% success rate per cycle. So why the footdragging, people? I want to get this crap over with! You think I want to live in this hell forever?
Sure, it means I'll feel good, be able to get work done and exercise, and perhaps even get some insurance contribution to our growing IF bill, not have to jab needles into my gut... but it also means I most likely won't get pregnant and will be sitting on my hands yet another month. Which means, like everything else in my life at this point, all is and will remain unsettled. No clear academic path, no farm to start working on, no ability to try for a baby except the old fashioned way.
Limbo lower now.
6 comments:
I have written these very words myself. It wasn't enough that I didn't get knocked up, but I had to be benched for the next month as some ridiculous booby prize. Oh, hon, I'm sorry that you are dealing with this very short stick and I'm sorry that it's all hitting you at the same time.
My assvice: find something, anything in your life that you enjoy doing and can make measurable progress on (because there are not factors out of your control like everything else!). For me it was sewing. Being able to see the fruits of my labor (ha!) come together was eminently satisfying even if my uterus wasn't kicking out anything resembling a baby anytime in the near future. I felt like I was making progress on something that was tangible and measurable and helped to pass the time until I was cleared to start up again.
I would also do some more ranting and raving - it makes you feel better and you are so damn good at it (meaning that you are eloquent and manage to put those emotions that we all have into something more poetic than how they started). Let it all out and then go sit in your garden and watch nature and appreciate that even though you feel as if you are in suspended animation, life goes on and you will too.
Bugger. That totally sucks.
I went to the Dr's this am, to get the referral back to the internist, so I can switch medications for my BP, so that we can see if I respond to pregnancy safe medication at a low enough dosage to make the idea of a future preganncy viable.
And they screwed up. My GP was still on vacation. No appointment.
Argh.
agrh. I hate forced upon breaks! my Dr. made me take a 2month one after 3 months on clomid! so annoying. I hate that waiting, usless feeling. so sorry you are dealing with all this crap.
ugh, so sorry. so frustrating.
I hate those imposed breaks -- they are better when you choose them yourself.
I hate to laugh, Shinejil, but I believe we are merging into the same person. My appointment is on the 9th, too, and I am also benched from next month. I haven't noticed feeling more academic or intellectual lately, although my grandad did ask me some questions about philosophy and he said I got all animated, so maybe I just wasn't paying attention.
Being us blows. Shit end of the stick, indeed. Like Pocky in hell.
I feel your pain!
As per Mrs.X's assvice, I painted. I've painted half my house and dove back into work. I've cleaned like crazy, which is something I needed to do anyway. I feel I've made progress and control at least those aspects of my life. Being productive is cheap therapy! That and... not blogging as much, and not talking about it IRL as much. It's still at the back of my mind, but I feel more at peace.
Still... the ups and downs suck. I'm thinking of you.
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